She was raised in a home that undervalued the responsibility of homeownership. Not because they wanted to though, but because the generational lack of education followed them like the plague. Growing up, what was most important to her parents was the mere ability to keep a roof over their children’s heads. Making sure they had hot water to bathe with, clean clothes to wear each day, lights for them to be able to see with so they were not living in darkness and food to be able to place on the table each night. With the family having only one income, and struggling to provide just the bare minimum, homeownership seemed to be out of reach for them, so putting the energy forth to reach an “unattainable” accomplishment was never even an option.

She was the oldest child, which made her more in-tune to what was going on behind the scenes. She watched her father work tirelessly day in and day out, most nights coming home and eating leftovers afterhours while her mother had already put the food up, cleaned the house and put the kids to bed following their baths. Her mother, she loved on her family with everything in her. Her mother sacrificed her personal happiness for the sake of her family. She watched this struggle day in and day out, not realizing that she would essentially become this struggle, mentally.

As a young adult, she always knew she wanted more for herself. She wanted to not struggle with her bills, she wanted to have the nicest of everything because hand-me-downs was never an option… She wanted to provide a life for her future children that afforded them the comfort and soft life that she wishes she’d had. The thing about it though was that she dealt with imposter syndrome. Whenever she had a dollar to her name, she was conflicted with the notion that she should use it to buy herself nice things vs. save it to make her dreams come true. Naturally though, the money burned a hole in her pocket, and she use it to buy herself the things that were on her wish list. She would immediately have buyer’s remorse, but this did not stop her from keeping the “things” that her heart desired.

You see… growing up in any environment, there is always one of three ways that an individual will turn out in their adult life. First, you have the individual that becomes a victim to their circumstances due to what was embedded in them through what they saw growing up. Secondly, the individual that took “do as I say, not as I do” to heart and allowed for their circumstances to fuel their goals in a way that makes them fearful of ever going “back.” And lastly, the individual that has a constant conflicting battle within them that they struggle to see their way out of, well into their adult years. She identified as the latter.

Her mother always urged her to purchase a home. Making landlords rich was not something that she was ever encouraged to do. Having never seen anyone in her family purchase a home, intimidated her. How can she be the first person to purchase a home in her entire family? She had friends that owned homes and watched several of her social media friends accomplish the goal of homeownership. “If they can do it, certainly I can, right?” But how? Do I earn enough money each month to be able to afford a mortgage? Will my credit card and card payment debt be an issue? I lived off of student loans for years. My credit score is not perfect! Will this hurt me?” The process of opening up and bringing things to light that you hide in the darkness for those to judge you is a constant marker for fear. But guess what? The things that you do not know, will always end up hurting you, just not to your face.

The process of purchasing a home is almost as evasive as giving birth via VBAC. You will have people questioning your every move. You will not be able to use your credit. You will have to write explanations for certain transactions. You will have to provide statements, check stubs, w2’s etc. The bank and their underwriters will literally be on your like white on rice for the sole fact that they are taking a chance on you and allowing for you to borrow hundreds of thousands of dollars, with the HOPE that you will be able to pay them back… and on time each month. BUT… DO NOT LET THIS DETER YOUR GOALS!!! People purchase homes with scores in the high 580’s and have dept attached to their names. It is so easy to talk yourself out of pursuing your goals for fear of not presenting as a perfect candidate. Sis, you do not need to be perfect.

Homeownership is the American Dream. It is one of the main sources of wealth building. Everyone one of us is deserving of obtaining a piece of this dream. There are so many of us that identify as “she.” If you feel beatdown by the world or more so, by your own fears and inhibitions, it is important to take a step back and attempt to change your mindset. Living in fear and placing limitations on ourselves in a world that already places limit us, is soul crushing. It is also to be expected. We do not need to fit this mold. Instead, surround yourself with people who will push you, encourage you, show you the ropes, and uplift you. This is step #1. Step #2 is to find a way to build yourself a team of real estate professionals such as a Lender who will tell you what you need to get to where you need to be and will patiently hold your hand until you get there; a Realtor that will have your back will be your biggest cheerleader even beyond you having your keys in hand, and Credit Repair Professional (if needed) that will get you from point A to point B, with a clearcut plan in place.

Two key points to remember: You CAN do it on your own. Believe in yourself and your abilities. Also, your first home does not have to be your final resting place. It is your starting point. You’ve got this!